Insecurity is a turnoff, but so is overconfidence. The sweet spot here is to be yourself -- a calm, self-assured version of yourself. What's the worst that could happen? Perhaps you two don't have much in common, or maybe he's just having a bad day.
The best case? You've accidentally stumbled upon your soul mate. But the most likely scenario is that you get to enjoy good conversation and maybe make a new friend. For those of you who doubt that your approach makes any difference, consider this: A study conducted by Northwestern University found that regardless of whether a man or woman approaches a potential mate -- in this instance, during a round of speed dating -- the person who did the approaching felt a greater level of attraction and chemistry with that potential partner afterward.
Be kind to yourself and to your interesting stranger: have something prepared before you find yourself asking, "So, what do you do? Talking about the weather or a job is an easy way to open a conversation because there's no wrong answer -- these are safe. But there are better topics, and better approaches. Let the conversation flow naturally. Share your name and ask for his.
Give a detail about yourself, but turn the conversation spotlight on to him. Ask open-ended questions rather than anything that can be answered with a yes or no, and listen to what he's saying rather than waiting for your turn to talk. Look for topics aside from the weather, and work to kick off a conversation. If there's a game on, talk about sports. A band playing? Remark on it. McGann says, "Commenting on someone's T-shirt is a simple one -- if you notice someone with a music festival T-shirt that reads 'North Forks Music Park,' a great opener may be, 'Is that in Rochester?
After the initial exchange, someone who is interested is likely to pick up the conversational thread and go someplace else with it. Remember: If you don't ask for what you want, you won't get it.
You don't want to seem desperate or overbearing, but if you want to ask for his phone number, then ask. Getting his number isn't demanding commitment. Let him know you enjoyed talking and that you would love to chat again sometime. Sit near him in class and ask to borrow a pencil. Look your best. Wear clothes that you feel show off your personality and make you look and feel special.
If you have a favorite accessory, such as a special hat, wear it. It can become part of your trademark look and help boost your confidence and make you seem memorable.
You want to look your best, but make sure you also dress appropriately. Introduce yourself. However, most people are happy to meet a new person and feel at ease when someone takes the time to introduce themselves politely.
Compliment him. People always remember when someone compliments them. I love that band, too. Part 2. Make flirtatious eye contact. Flirtatious eye contact can come in a few different forms. Generally, you need to maintain eye contact for at least four seconds before coyly looking down or away. However, smiling is important. It also shows that you may be interested. This can be an easier step than saying hello in real life. This works particularly well if you have mutual friends or run in similar circles.
When you like his profile or request to be friends, it can be a natural time to send a brief message. Make a statement. This can make you look and sound very confident. Say something to him about your surroundings. Part 3. You can save yourself a lot of embarrassment by knowing if the guy you like is available before you do something about it.
Online, check for photos of him with a significant other. Listen when he talks. Does he reveal a lot about himself and his life without mentioning a partner? Does he keep his eyes moving around the room, looking at people? Do something nice for him. Doing something nice for him is a great way to let him know you like him without having to actually say anything. If you notice that he always shows up to class without a pen or pencil, bring one in special for him. But the key point here is, by exiting the conversation at the right time, you show that you have a life that excites you.
The guy is cool and you may be into him, but you also have these girlfriends over there you want to talk to or that 3 mile run of your workout to finish. You can do it over and over again. Approaching can be a fun game, where anyone you see becomes the most fascinating person in the room.
Who are they? Why are they interesting? What makes them tick? It completely takes the anxiety and pressure out of talking to new people, and the bonus: you now have a richer, more exciting life to live, which is sexy as hell to a guy. Felicia is a charisma coach who helps people improve their social skills and dating lives.
June 19, at am. June 8, at am. November 16, at am. August 13, at am. June 27, at pm. June 13, at pm. October 5, at pm. November 6, at pm. April 18, at pm. September 29, at pm. October 1, at pm. October 12, at pm.
Posted by Felicia Spahr. Want More Awesome Shit? Sign up for our newsletter and get automatically notified when we post new face-meltingly rad articles. This is for a slew of unfortunate reasons. If not? It goes right back on the shelf and she goes on her merry way.
But you get it. Dazzle With Conversation Now we get into the meat of it. Am I interesting? Am I boring? Allow yourself to flirt , even in this small window of opportunity.
Nothing is going to go anywhere if you try these those methods and then shut down once you actually start talking to him! Let's say you're sitting on a subway next to a good looking guy that you are attracted to and all of sudden the lights flicker, a kid is out of control throwing a tantrum, or something random and odd happens.
That's a perfect opportunity to say a funny, observational comment that could lead to a conversation. You're both aware of what's going on unless he's glued to his phone and in that case, forget about him and it's a chance to start talking to him without being totally obvious. This is very important. For shy girls, putting ourselves out there can feel so daunting that when we don't see positive results, we immediately go back into hermit-mode.
If you challenge yourself to try out some of these low key flirting methods and he doesn't seem interested, that's okay! He's not the guy for you. You've most likely turned down other guys before, so don't take it personally. He may not even be single! Regardless, it's important to not let others define your worth. Keep working your way up and who knows, maybe someday you'll be a bold, flirting superhero.
Jill Zwarensteyn is a writer and Michigan native who covers trending topics, pop culture and astrology.
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